Oh, Winter Sports...

(first time review)

Snowboarding/ Skiing: 

Activity that requires great skill, discluding naturals. If you seek an adrenaline rush, these sports are for you! I also compare this rush to the one attained via gymnicetics.

I managed to try not to look like a gaper (I learned that one from my bro) and had a few good runs! I was totally sore after two days but no big matter. It's so fun! Even more fun: falling. I never fell on skis, and I fell on purpose on a board because I'm too paranoid I'm going to hit someone or high-speed faceplant. I know, isn't that the point? Did I forget that I mentioned adrenaline rush? Black diamonds in no time.

Verdict: Boarding was more fun for me because it's a challenge. Skiing I picked up right away. We were in Wisconsin staying near this great place called Granite Peak. It was supposedly notably bigger than any of the locations in Illinois to ski/snowboard.

Now, can I join my bro, his best friend, and my dad on their prestigious Breckenridge and Vail trips? No, I guess not.

xoxo lisa marie

Where Troubles Melt Like Lemon Drops...

...for a sore throat.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

I'm still really sick :(

Deactivated my facebook.

xoxo lisa marie

Overly Sensitive

enough said. :(
It will always be this way for me.
Why does it have to be this way.
Sometimes I can't stand myself.
I live in my dreams.
Occurences crush my dreams.
Short blogs never last.
feeling very sickly and
unmotivated today.

xoxo lisa marie

My Survival Tips for Life

they're a little cliche... but still true.

Be grateful for what you have.
Find things to laugh about... it's the best medicine.
Never give up.
Don't take it too seriously.
Find and seek the things you brighten it.
Ignore things and people that bring you down.
Dance in the rain. (reality-wise and metaphorically)
Push through hell. 
All you need is love. (something I might never find.)
This is a rough draft.
Feel free to make your own list. :)

xoxo lisa marie :)

Maybe I Should Just Stop Blogging.

Maybe I should just start blogging about celebs? I need to pick one.

Always misunderstood.

I think/worry too much. 

busy day tommorow. sleep. :)

xoxo lisa marie

I Had No Idea...

love, save the empty. ♥

I just don't know what to do. It's like the room is spinning and I'm the only one that's dizzy. Everything is dull. Everything is gone. Show me the light, the only one that comes on. It's like I stopped breathing just for a while, it's even so hard to run that mile. I'm shaking with thoughts of worthlessness, but wishing away never meant anything less. Insecure like a wilting flower, I sit still hour by hour. God, show me the way. Love, save me.

"I just want to be loved. I ask for nothing more, God and you just won't give it to me. For one that thrives on love, to feel like you have none is the utmost horrible thing. For one that is loving, you love to see me in pain."

xoxo lisa marie

I love winter.

xoxo lisa marie

A Little Slice of Humble Pie

K.Stew and R.Patz, in my opinion, somewhat humble stars.

The Boring Stuff...I blog it all. :)

Whenever someone discusses humility it's a very touchy subject. To tell someone they aren't humble, could possibly be a huge insult, whether or not the person values that quality. I try to consider myself humble, for what I get in this life. I never like to brag (unless it's something VERY cool I will share it with my friends), but guess what? The internet is a freeway for that. It always will be. It's kinda stupid in my opinion. People can get away with so much its unreal. I love so many people in their real non-technological selves. Real Life: A Million Times Better. I've met a lot of peeps in this life and I pretty much loved a lot of them... and still do. I always get mistaken for being too shy or quiet at first (even a snob), when in reality, it just takes me a really long time to get adjusted to people. It really depends. Ok, so that doesn't really relate to humility, or this post, it's just something about me. Now celebrities, almost always have big egos- but there are a rare few gems that, from what I know don't. The only ones I can think of off the top of my head are Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. They're never really trash-talked and they never really bask in the spotlight, if you know what I mean. They tend to their own lives. Yo, Kanye West, get outta here.


xoxo lisa marie

Without Love, It's Always Snowing in My Life.

but what the hell...snow is kinda cool.

I have come to the conclusion that I will be forever without love. I know, it's so negative to say. Love is all-around- it's in everything. Rain, snow, nature, best friends, family, your guitar, your style. But true love is supposed to be something that's elite, above all other delightful feelings and occurences. I don't think it's ever supposed to be through online dating sites, (oh, you go 2010!) it's just supposed to be something that happens. A beautiful miracle. Like a knock your door. Hello, love. This has never happened to me. All I see are snowflakes, each with their own different pattern. But I'm not gonna sit around and cry, embrace the depression. I'm gonna run. I'm gonna run all the way to Los Angeles. To New York City. To London. To Paris. To heaven. Wherever I end up, meet me there.



xoxo lisa marie

Pressure

I put way too much of it on myself. Not like it's necessary, but I also tend to be a huge perfectionist. The odd part is I get really messy and cluttered. Perfectionism picks its fights. Especially here, online. It's one of the reasons I don't really like the internet, even though I'm an addict. I don't think it will ever get better. New technology is sending everything downhill in the communication department. Next thing you know we'll be hanging out...online. :o

xoxo lisa marie

A Thousand Words

To fully understand another human being, one must fully understand themselves.

xoxo lisa marie :)

Romeo + Juliet

Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio in Baz Luhrmann's vision

The story has always fascinated me. A tragedy of star-crossed lovers who, end up taking their lives because of the world around them and feuding families. Ill- fated circumstances matched with undying love-  they can only be truly together in death.  Don't even ask about my opinions on that because no one knows- do they? Where did they go? Is heaven real? Does the other side truly exist? Were Romeo and Juliet finally able to have the love they envisioned and so desperately yearned for? I am hoping so. There should be a version where they don't die... of course then would it really be Romeo and Juliet? It's tragic but beautiful. Love should overpower everything else- discord, violence, arrogance, hate.

My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep. The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite. - Act. 2 Scene 2

xoxo lisa marie

Even at a Snail's Pace, I Never Say the Right Thing.

I can't even finish things I love, I never win first place, or literally, anything. I'm too impatient and make way too many mistakes. Along with the negatives I am also very determined to succeed, that is. Maybe blogging is a huge mistake- or a blessing in disguise.

Though I really wish I could break out of this lame piece of town called Barrington; unfortunately I have to deal with unpleasant forces and dreadful, debilitating anxiety. Meeting new people is really, really hard for me. No one knows what it's like to be me, and still- I have no followers on this blog anyway. I'm not gonna be saved anytime soon by any of the hot boys that magically appear when I listen to Led Zep. It's true- just happened again today at the dermatologist.

Facebook is the most vile invention on the planet. Seriously, Mark Zuckerberg and associates...?

What is it- our will to be the latest trend, the newest technology, the next multi-billionaire or just plain laziness, I cannot answer that. Facebook turned me into a zombie, and i'm trying the countercurse- actually calling my friends. Nope but not even that can restrain me from lashing out what's been manifesting for years. Falling for guys online ruined everything. Not even gonna get into it. Why? Some people actually like technology and that thing- Facebook. I hate it but I use it, FB lovers. Does that make me a hypocrite? Maybe.

Whoever is reading, I love you. I also love Harry Potter, very, very much.

xoxo lisa marie ♥

Catching Up. Catching Me.

I came home from a treatment facility, rehab (whatever you'd like to call it) after two months to find loads of change. Most of the time I don't do well with it. I didn't do well when I first came in. That slowly changed and I found best friends for life, a new perspective, discipline - I'm awfully lazy. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time.

Love my TK girls. Alumni represent!

My experiences have been different than others obviously but that doesn't make them less valid. It's been said that God is just a concept by which we measure our pain but I believe life is. However much you screw up, you can always get it back. Small miracles happen every day. Such as meeting someone you love on the street... even though you can only muster up an "Omg" and "Hi!" because you're SPEECHLESS. Even seeing more of people, and realizing we are all equal, in this together. Not being upset over not having more time, enough time, the works.

I came back to Speak Now, Taylor Swift's new album which I can really relate to. It's about speaking up- duh! Saying something when you feel it necessary, even if it's not the right thing. I struggle with that a lot. I always have. I used to say I blew my life away one summer, but maybe that was just hell to prepare for a new beginning.

I might become a filmmaker, I might coach gymnastics, who knows.

To all those out there that don't believe in me, "Someday I'll be living in a big ole' city and all you're ever gonna be is mean. Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me and all your ever gonna be is mean."

xoxo lisa marie

One Day & Random.

Some things about me.-----------> ♥

-I can be crazy loud, but also very shy. I love to laugh.

-I pray, no it hasn't gone out of style.

-COMPASSION, & TENACITY

-People mean the world to me.

-I love Alice in Wonderland quotes.

-Gone are my running days. Perhaps I'll decide again someday to pick it up.

-I achieved a standing full into the pit this year when I went back to tumbling/gymnastics. But that's not my life goal!

-I love little things and sometimes I obsess over them. I have my own flaws.

-My face plant knocking everything off my dresser because I tripped on a pile of books and magazines, scraping my arm while I was at it. Epic. Fall.

-Besides all other art (which i still love), I have a love of making collages!

- I own two very different guitars. One acoustic one electric.

- I've never been in true love... or love for that matter. Of course I love my friends and family, but it's not the same.

-Don't trust Google. Ever. It's not God talking to you.

-I have nothing to give I'm out of spark. Useless words will do no part.

I'll be leaving off to TK tomorrow, hopefully it will go well.


xoxo lisa marie

Leaving Soon

I need a change of atmosphere. Being at home all the time is smothering my well being. I try to relax, but it doesn't work- I overanalyze so much. I even cry about things that probably aren't worth crying over. As much as I do, can never seem to calm myself down. Most likely a lot of the time I'm a nervous wreck, stressing over small insignificant things. There are obviously other issues that are worth the energy. I get really frightened sometimes and I wish I could give my body a vacation. Slowly, I am making my escape. ♥

xoxo lisa marie


p.s. I have bitter feelings towards myself at times for the choices i've made in my life.

My Past Blog Life.

I've had blogs before, but this is the only one that has so far survived...my life has been so back and forth, a couple months ago my life was turned upside down and now it's just been...melancholic. Lisa Marie types but does not read. My mind's in hyperspeed. When I look back to what I've posted these two months, there's been a lot. But that's only half the story there's another side of me. I've talked about being a slow psychic, amazing adventures, negativity, complaints, my vivid imagination, love of music and just plain love. My favorite songs, (Under the Bridge meaning the most to me) I even posted my first youtube video with an original, then it magically disappeared. I quote John Winston Lennon, I dream about the sixties (and even fifties...fifth beatle Stuart Sutcliffe & Marilyn Monroe.) I dream about love. My real friends and how they're all different...some even ditched me for God knows what reason. No reason. Now that, I'm talking about last year. If you go back why not go all the way. I feel like a prisoner waiting to be freed, I use Anthony Kiedis as my performing muse, Taylor Swift as my songwriting muse, I love to dance (free-styling all the way). Even if it's all by myself. Be the first to enter the dance floor and the last to leave. Lately I have been feeling so lonely. This is my most random post yet.

I've written about heaven and hell, the reality of the situation I'm in, and hoping time is on my side. I have no idea what is going on...ever. I keep talking about control and the human race or at least the country being controlled, not by government but by God or someone or other people. I believe it's possible. Real. Life. HP. Fearlessness, like counting letters, it's also an art. What does my future hold? Everything is aligned, maybe...

xoxo lisa marie

Am I Going in the Wrong Direction?

I need to somehow pull it together. I've made it this far and I'm not giving up. I was at my friend's house last night but things just don't feel right anymore. Have you ever wondered how every decision affects us? Whether it's something small or very bold. When it comes to speaking truth one must be very careful. I care about a lot of people and things (mostly non- material) and all I seek is friendship and love. We are so controlled but it's all I seek. I still see my old friends from time to time but when everyone else is off having fun at school, here I am wandering around in wonderland. I'm not taking college classes at the moment because I have 0% concentration. I have so much to tell, but it seems that when I start to tell anyone their minds are on the off- switch. Hopefully someday that will change. Reading my other posts one might figure out what's going on but I doubt it. Someday.

xoxo lisa marie

Song Spells.

Someone could surely be captivated by music, but spells? I don't know. Music is like a drug to me. It takes us to places we've never been before, it brings happiness, sadness, everything. Without music, could we all still exist? Are there really such things as song spells? My example is centered around "Layla." Pattie Boyd was stolen from George Harrison mainly because of this song and his pursuit of her. She called it a powerful, moving song. Could music possibly have some sort of power over people? Maybe some people are just immune. I really think it could happen to someone though. Or possibly the entire country.

Songs for Thought: (Besides Paramore, AAR, Get On Top, Tommorow Never Knows, my ears are bleeding and my mind needs intravenous liquids.)

Decode- Paramore/ Can't Be Tamed- Miley Cyrus/ Obsessed- Miley Cyrus/ Gives You Hell- All American Rejects/ Tommorow Never Knows- The Beatles/Kashmir- Led Zeppelin/Misty Mountain Hop- Led Zeppelin/Layla- Derek, Eric Clapton and the Dominoes/I wasn't gonna put it, but...Get On Top- Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I try not to be too intense. I think I'll go listen to George Harrison's Something. Don't worry, there are probably no such thing as song spells. Excuse me, mr and mz, I don't do what you do and someone just tell me when I can be free of this prison. I make no sense sometimes.

xoxo lisa marie

A Chaotic Send Off!

Live in the moment.

I'm off to Wisconsin until the 22nd. A much needed vacation and escape after a bland month or so. I can see clear skies and stars at night. Constellations are beautiful, especially up north. My life is so messy right now so some space would be nice. Stress and mess. Lately I've been listening to either really happy or really intense music, but I've been neglecting my guitar and neglecting things that once gave me that happiness. Singing, guitar, reading, painting, sports. I destroyed my favorite painting of all time over a stupid mistake. Too bad in my tumbling career I only ever got a half-twist. My voice has gotten weak. All I can do is write and listen. I'm tired of complaining. We all have purposes and I haven't quite found mine yet. Love is the answer but like I said before, are we controlled by God? I've experienced miracles but not your average, every day type. There are little moments when time seems to stop. Freeze. Hold that piece of glass in your hand. Write a letter and throw it in the ocean. Take chances you never thought you would take. You know, one day I'll catch one of those falling stars.

Songs for thought:

Change- Taylor Swift/ The Story- Tristan Prettyman/ Spinning- Jack's Mannequin/ Californication- Red Hot Chili Peppers/ Drive My Car- The Beatles/ No Tommorow- Orson/ And She Was- Talking Heads/ Fly With Me- Jonas Brothers/ Thinking of You- Katy Perry/ The Sweet Escape- Gwen Stefani/ Deer Dance- System of a Down/ All The Small Things- Blink-182/ Lost!- Coldplay/ All Along the Watchtower- Jimi Hendrix/ Hannah Montana & Harry Potter Soundtracks

xoxo lisa marie

Half.

I wish I could be there for people who make wrong decisions. I have an intelligent way of viewing life as a whole, and sometimes we need to make mistakes in order to find ourselves. It's inevitable. But then there are times when other people can be there for you, and tell you what you are doing is only harmful to the soul and well being. Eyes are the window to the soul. Sometimes I feel as though I'm living in a half black and white and half technicolor world. It's strange. We feel like we know ourselves, and then we don't. Are we controlled? Do we do the things we do because of our own minds, or is God involved? Sometimes the right decision is flat out in your hand, you better catch it before it's gone.

xoxo lisa marie

Walking & Flying.

I've always wondered that if anyone could ever read someone's mind, would it be their direct thoughts, or the subconscious? Of course who wants a mind reader walking around. When I'm around people I feel their energy, I feel their pain, happiness, whatever. I used to call myself a vibe reader, almost as if I know people like me or not right off the bat. I used to be a really shy person but that has changed over the years. I interpret actions as a concept, why we do what we do. As I said before, I have failed in the department of love. At least relationships...I just get really nervous and then there is the stupid facebook curse. I can't wait to fall in love and start living my life. Are you out there somewhere, lover? Let us telepathically connect ipod's a find ourselves through music. Let's take chances and never look back. You are out there, possibly hundreds of miles away. I would walk that much just to find you. I would fly.

This life is totally, completely irrevocably beautiful. I've learned that over time. There is a huge gap between selfishness and selflessness. Everyone has experienced them before. Strength in all you do is a necessity. I would never allow someone's hurtful words or actions to penetrate my walls. Of course I breakdown once in a while but for other reasons. If you watch Carrie Underwood's video for "So Small" that girl was me, right until the end. It makes us realize there is something so much bigger going on than just life and the problems it gives us.

Songs for Thought:

First Day of My Life- Bright Eyes/ Punk Rock Princess- Something Corporate/ The Only Exception- Paramore/ The Way I Loved You- Taylor Swift/ Get to Me- Train/ Bohemian Like You- The Dandy Warhols/ I Believe in A Thing Called Love- The Darkness/ Watch Me Shine- Joanna Pacitti/ Who I Am- Nick Jonas and the Administration/ You and I- Ingrid Michaelson

xoxo lisa marie

Band-Aids, Beaches, Crying...

and best friends to comfort me when I'm feeling low.

I wanna be a band- aid like Penny Lane. Too bad this is 2010. Or maybe I'd rather be in the band. I can never get her famous quote right. I am terribly lonely but I don't have friends who work at the record store.

Okay, so my blog has gotten a little bit dark so I'm trying to fix that. Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies. Across the Universe, The Breakfast Club and Legally Blonde are somewhere in there too. Movies give me an escape. Well, for everyone. They show you fantastic technicolor worlds where anything can happen. I'm not totally dramatic all the time but I see things differently and I guess that's why I love it. I want to do film someday as a career. Or who knows, maybe when I get my life back on track I'll do something with music.

About California...I was asked by my dad if I could sit on a plane for four hours at the moment. I said no, because of the walking... I can't sit still. But it's one of my favorite places. I love that it's different wherever you go. Warm ocean breezes kissing your skin on the beaches. The cities...LA to San Diego. Northern, Southern. Now I feel like I'm dissing Chicago. F this...I just wanna move to England.

There's something going on that no one knows about. I can't say exactly. but I'm a smart girl and I know never to give up when you're dealing with something so extensive and so important. I want people to trust me but I need support.

Take this to heart: You don't know what you got until it's gone. But sometimes, other dreams come right back at you. ♥ faith hope love

xoxo lisa marie

What It Is.

I'm going to get a little bit deep here, so if you want (or if anyone actually looks at my blog) you don't have to read this.

I believe in love. I believe in heaven and hell. I believe they are both real. I've experienced feeling both on earth, if you can understand it. This is my theory: If you take your own life, your soul goes to hell. I'm not afraid to die but I would never do something like that. My other theory is if you do you are erased. But in that department, there are a few times in my life where I could have come close. Most were accidents. I've been there and I have to admit that yes, once it was almost on purpose but I believe I was saved. By faith and truth and my friends. Never again, no matter how bad things get will i give in. I'm waiting for another sign from God. Almost like waking up to a miracle. I interpret everything as happening for a reason. Like I said in one of my earlier blogs, I'm surrounded by really positive and really negative energy. I feel protected. Look back at the Speaking of the Sixties and Now....it's my favorite.

"There's no other time but the present. Anything else is a waste of time."- John Winston Lennon

xoxo lisa marie

p.s. Then, present: ready, set, go. I have little patience.

I'm Lazy Today.

It's a cycle. Like I said before, girls like me we just don't fit with the world. I am a revolution, one that can bring change but no one will let me. Have you ever just walked through crowds and felt so alone? I have. Have you ever wanted to find a soulmate and just talk for hours about everything on end? I have. I'm such a dork, I love to laugh but who am I to say when I feel no one gets me but me?

Songs for thought:

We Intertwined- The Hush Sound/ White Horse- Taylor Swift/ Waiting on the World To Change- John Mayer/ Motorcycle Drive By- Third Eye Blind/ So Small- Carrie Underwood/ Wreck of The Day- Anna Nalick/ Gone- Jack Johnson/ Everyday- Dave Matthews Band/ Notion- Kings of Leon/ Revolution 9- The Beatles/ Wonderwall- Oasis/ How To Save A Life- The Fray/ Under the Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers

xoxo lisa marie

I Listen to My Heart. How About You?

I bet if anyone asked me, (or if anyone actually cared) about my supposed abilities, they would say "Prove it." I started writing this post a few days ago because I'm never sure of my decisions. We all have something to prove in this world and I've worked so hard every single day to make people understand. They still don't. It's as if they're all under a spell. I can't really say what I know because it's too out there at the moment. It's painful to not be able to speak your mind. I am always trying to fix things. My parents and brother and extended family care, but in a way they don't. What I care about and what they do are two completely different worlds. My friends are there, too of course! Your family will always love you no matter what. Never in the past year have I showed someone my writing or art and had them see it through my eyes. Actually I've always felt that way. I figured out that love is all that matters after all. It's a theory that took a blink of an eye to complete. On a lighter note, I now have a lucky silly band after going to the dentist. Just a few things that contribute to the rhythm of my heart...

Dancing, rainbows, daisies, inside jokes, the beatles, music & guitar in general, collaging, painting, the genius of anthony kiedis, youtube kingsley videos (jonas brothers too but kingsley has made me laugh while i was crying), converse, photoshoots with friends, clear skies with stars, (I've seen shooting stars they're incredible) sunsets, the beach, rhyming, laughter (does anyone remember it?), and people on a good day. ♥

xoxo lisa marie

p.s. I've been listening to really depressing music lately so Songs For Thought isn't a good idea right now.

My Blog Has Been Sucking Lately.

All they are is complaining about my current situation or what not, I really want to re-blog some of mine from July. Now they aren't just straight topical entries, they're all over the place. Tick tock I really want to share something I wrote last year but I can't. To achieve my dreams I need to just go with whatever my heart tells me and not be controlled by the people around me (lately, I do feel very controlled). Even when I tell people important things they just don't listen. It's like they're deaf. I could yell as loud as I want, jump up and down, but still... they don't hear me and meaningless words would come out of their mouth. I feel like a broken record. Music is the one thing I have left, it's what I survive on other than writing, books and art. Last night I tie-dyed a plain white-t. Success. Everything I can do to keep myself occupied. If and when I go to TK...oh what's the use.

xoxo lisa marie

This is Directed to Those Who Don't Believe in Me.

Wake up. Look to the sky, night or day and shut up.

Every life is valuable. Every life is a gift. I know too much, I have too much to live for by now to just let it all go. I'll give whatever I have to give in my life to get some kind of real love in return. God, don't you hear me? Every day I feel myself becoming wiser, but every day is becoming more and more bothersome. I love everyone, but I feel like everyone dislikes me. I don't like the word hate. I wish I could be where I want to be, with my best friends, but it's gonna take a while. I wanna make this life worthwhile but i need a little help. Lately, as in the past year and a half, the more I give, the less I seem to get. Things would be fixed by now if God loved me, wouldn't they be? I don't know what to think anymore. I've realized choices are what affects life, and all my choices just never feel right. I Live for Allyouneedislove. Lonely as I am, together we cry.

Songs for thought:

Absolutely (Story of A Girl)- Nine Days/ Us- Regina Spektor/ Walcott- Vampire Weekend/ This is Not A Test- She & Him/ Murderers- John Frusciante/ Trouble- Nevershoutnever!/ Remembering Sunday- All Time Low/ Revolution 1- The Beatles/ Around the World- Red Hot Chili Peppers/ Australia- Jonas Brothers/ Where Nobody Knows- Kings of Leon/ Can You Take Me- Third Eye Blind/ Believe in Me- Demi Lovato

xoxo lisa marie

Facing Fears & Conceptualizing.

It's like running through a lava pit of broken teacups.

You know the saying "do what you fear the most?" in the past, I was never (and still am not) able to. It was a silly thing, it was every chance I had to fall in love. Fail. Love is beauty and where is love? It's what I live for, but I don't feel it anymore, from anyone in that case. I'm afraid I'll never fall into true love, ever. I've met guys but I still have the online curse (it's complicated). On the other hand, with everyone else, I've been trying to figure out what the reason is. Maybe I know deep down in my heart, but even when I'm around people it's like they ignore me. For no reason. A few of my friends are still here for me, but in a way they aren't. Oh God, I'm starting to whine again. I tell myself to be tough and to stick it out. I feel like I'm sinking in quicksand day by day. I visualize my life as two parts: then and now. Maybe I should go read Anthony Kiedis' book again. (Then again, I can't focus, on anything.) Got nothing but time on our hands, and I'm waiting for a miracle.

"Genius is pain."- John Winston Lennon

xoxo lisa marie.

Next blog: Best of Songs for Thought. Or maybe I should wait? ♥

Time Slows Down, Whenever You're Around. Songwriting.

Right now I am really loving Taylor Swift's "Today was a Fairytale." In my opinion she is one of today's best female songwriters. When I write (and lately, I haven't been in the music department) I can only write parts of lyrics. I'm still okay with whatever comes out of my brain. I love playing guitar and just improvising too. Some of the best ideas come right out when you let everything go. I wish I had inspiration though, that's been on short supply lately.

"I categorize the levels of heartbreak. Level one is a simple letdown. Level ten, total heartbreak. I've only had that happen once. A letdown is worth a few songs. A heartbreak is worth a few albums."- Taylor Swift ♥

Fortunately and unfortunately I've never had that happen. I've never been in love, God must have something against me. Sure I love the people I know no matter what they do to me, but it's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. Love is what inspires 85% of songs. I write about my (few) crushes. If I've never fallen in love, how am I supposed to write a classic.

"To be here now."- John Winston Lennon. But what was the question?

xoxo lisa marie

Dreams Again & a Hummingbird.

Sometimes you wish for a dream, and get an entirely different one.

I'm occupied by time, space, heaven, hell and most of all, music. Every song. Every movie. Every story... has a beginning. Some don't have an end. Your heart beats to the rhythm of its own drum and you can either listen to it, but sometimes things don't work out the way as planned. Today while I was coming home I saw a hummingbird near the rose trellis by the front porch. I saw you there so unaware... and later had a horrible dream. After seeing Inception, (an incredible movie) I believe that dreams tell truth and have meaning, and this one basically told it all. Who am I even speaking to anymore? Only God knows.

There is so much I am dying to tell, but it ain't gonna happen. As of right now I am crushing my dream of moving to the Penny Lane district, Liverpool, England because I keep spending my money without a job on the side. Maybe it's destination California, who knows my path? But I walk around in circles all day, literally. It's super fun!!! Note the sarcasm.

Songs for thought:

Six Feet Under the Stars- All Time Low/ Bruised- Jack's Mannequin/ Breakout- Katy Perry/ Narcolepsy- Third Eye Blind/ Hummingbird- Wilco/ The Remedy (I Won't Worry)- Jason Mraz/ Dynamite- Taio Cruz/ Glass Onion- The Beatles/ Dreamgirl- Dave Matthews Band/ Purple Stain (Live) -Red Hot Chili Peppers/ Oh, It is Love- Hellogoodbye/ Hallelujah- Paramore/ Rainbow- Jack Johnson & G. Love/ Stand Too Close- Motion City Soundtrack

xoxo lisa marie

Events, Love, and Loneliness.

I chose guitar over ballet but for the record, I'm a pretty good dancer. Dancing gives you endorphins and helps the mind and soul in the long run.

Last night was quite eventful for my fairly boring life. I sat on the floor in my bathroom (vocals and acoustics sound better, it echoes) and recorded a few versions of Under the Bridge and found my year- old original song about John Lennon. I'm planning on putting it online, but I guess I have to wait until I go to the Apple Store to clean up my disk space.

I also got to see two of my friends that I haven't seen in ages, Brogan, she's one of the nicest people you could ever meet, and Laurel, those people are rare these days. Just hanging out and talking, it can heal you in a way. It gave me a wake up call. I actually saw a spider and didn't scream. or two. Living life looking through my eyes is a trip I tell you. Dreams of pouring rain and afterwards, the rainbow in the sun. Back and forth. Up and down. Love and Loneliness. Humor and Seriousness.

Songs for thought:

One of the Boys- Katy Perry/ Be My Escape- Relient K/ Wet Sand- Red Hot Chili Peppers/ Bryn- Vampire Weekend/ Apocalypse Please- Muse/ I'm Shakin- Rooney/ God is A DJ- Pink/A Manner to Act- Ra Ra Riot/ Rememo- Kings of Leon/ Dear Prudence- The Beatles/ Short Skirt/Long Jacket- Cake/ Zak and Sara- Ben Folds/ Here in Your Arms- Hellogoodbye/ August's Rhapsody- August Rush/ You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift/ More Vitamin String Quartet

xoxo lisa marie

'Cause my iPod is your iPod.

All I see is music. Everywhere. I used to have two iPod's, a touch and a regular one. Sadly, the latter perished a while ago. It's a great device, an iPod. It's the one thing that I think in this day and age is actually useful (besides the internet, yet at the same time i hate the internet). The turntable my family owns skips a lot so I don't really listen to vinyl unless I have a reason to or am in the room. Music, it sends a message. Perhaps i'll go back to a reading phase after. Right now I'm into a lot of music without words, Vitamin String Quartet, theme songs, and I really like the music from August Rush! Vampire Weekend, Katy Perry, She & Him. Anyways, i think it's time for a new iPod! Soon.

xoxo lisa marie

p.s. I always keep faith in God.

Lemons & Concentration

I have no idea what to blog about today. I saw a musical last night and today I went to visit a beautiful facility called Timberline Knolls which is basically a rehab center. Lately my life has been going nowhere and a little messy. I've had so much trouble finding motivation to do pretty much anything. Have you ever felt like you were dying but your brain is functioning and heart beating? Probably not but it's what I feel from time to time. I don't have drug problems and I'm pretty sure don't have an eating disorder but I've always admired people that were able to get through things like that. If I went I would be cut off from the internet for a few months. I'm such an open person but there's still so much people don't know about me. Bottom line: It's do or die, I can't get away, I feel trapped. One day I'll knock the world off its feet, promise. When life hands you lemons...

"Ever notice how 'what the hell' is always the right answer?"- Marilyn Monroe :) So true.

Some songs for thought:

The Kids Don't Stand A Chance- Vampire Weekend/ Teenage Dream- Katy Perry/ On Your Porch- The Format/ Storm in A Teacup- Red Hot Chili Peppers/ The Other Side- Scissor Sisters/ The Best Damn Thing- Avril Lavigne/ Radio/Video- System of A Down/ Bonnie Taylor Shakedown 2K1- Hellogoodbye/ Do You Believe in Magic?- The Lovin' Spoonful/ Clocks- Coldplay/ Feeling This- Blink 182/ Mandy- Jonas Brothers/ Buddy Holly- Weezer/ 1000 Julys & How's It Going To Be- Third Eye Blind/ California- Phantom Planet/ A Lifeless Ordinary (Need A Little Help)- Motion City Soundtrack/ Some Vitamin String Quartet

xoxo lisa marie

Together, We're...

dancing on the top of a mountain.

It took me thirty seconds to a minute in my life to realize...

I see things differently. I don't wanna say I told you so to people that I know, including my family. But the impossible is the inevitable now. I'm in sync. "A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality." At least that's what John Winston Lennon said. ♥

But where can I start without help? I lost a few of my (ex) best friends over a stupid facebook fight a couple of months ago. Those bitches. :] The friends I do have, seem to be nonchalant about things these days. Where is the love?

xoxo lisa marie

Chasing (Imperfection).

Someone once told me that imperfection is beauty (well, I kind of figured it out for myself) and I've learned it to be totally true. Like writing a song and scribbling out the parts you change. It's original, it's still beautiful and it's yours. Yet, why am I still a perfectionist sometimes?

I've been working on getting some covers down so I can finally put up some YouTube videos. (one being Tristan Prettyman's Love Love Love). I was always really bad at picking so I mainly play chords now. If I was ever in a band I would definitely want to play rhythm. But I think my path is film....My cousin/sister already makes rad videos with her best friends that sorta, kinda remind me of a mix of the Beatles (can't buy me love in a hard day's night!) and other things...

I saw Eclipse yesterday. No comment. Except for the fact that I was sleeping in a sleeping bag for the five days preceding it and I bought a dream catcher. I guess Bella Swan and I have something in common. I've had the first book for 3 years and I still haven't finished it.

My favorite blog so far has been the one about the sixties (and seventies). Let's talk more. If I had lived in that era would I have been a wild child groupie? Probably not, but definitely a flower child hippie. The decade was so turbulent. Love and peace but also war and chaos. An imperfectly perfect era. These days life is just so...blah. I wish I had people in support of my dreams, but lately real live support has been in short supply. On the other hand...when dreams come true why does no one care? At least that's how I see it.

xoxo lisa marie

7654321...More Music

This is really happening. I hear music. iPod is God. (right now) I can relate to a lot of Motion City Soundtrack and Third Eye Blind. There are periods of time where I just sit around and absorb this drug. (lyrics and melodies) My favorite thing to do is dream whilst listening to music. It's a really powerful thing, and when you have an extensive imagination (or even better the ability to see yourself doing what you dream) anything is really possible. It's so cliche but I'm a gullible person on top of it all anyway. I believe almost anything. I felt a little better after I went to the police station the other day to talk to one of the cops... Laughter is the best medicine hands down for sure even when you feel like you can't hold on, hold on. -----> That's pretty much a line from a great song. It gives me hope. "Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted."- John Winston Lennon :]

♫♪♫♪

xoxo lisa marie

Speaking of the Sixties and Now.

I'm really bored. Randomness... ---♥

Some facts/things I like and dislike...

- I love Stuart Sutcliffe, the forgotten fifth Beatle. It's like he's parallel with Hillel Slovak, who was the first guitarist of Red Hot Chili Peppers. The difference: Stuart couldn't really play bass, and was an artist. Both died way too young.

-Where was I when Woodstock happened? I wasn't born yet. All hail Jimi and Janis.

-Bob Dylan and Joni Mitchell...amazing folky-ness. If I lived in the sixties I wouldn't have been pissed when Dylan went electric.

- I loved Pattie Boyd with George Harrison [(Even though I kinda sorta used to like the song Layla. Eric stole her away with that song. :( ] Still trying to finish her memoir. Someday.

-Marilyn Monroe was so intelligent. Her quotes are right on.

- I like watching Veronica Mars and eating clementines... it's weird.

- I go back and forth with my interests. guitar/writing/singing/painting/reading/TRYING to edit and make videos (I wish I had help). I always switch off.

-I wish that someday God will answer my prayers. Does He even hear me?

What I've been up to: I'll never tell. :] I have been pretty sad though too.

"The more real you get the more unreal everything else gets."- John Winston Lennon ♥

xoxo lisa marie

p.s. Today I confirmed and realized my cousin is the most amazing video editor on the planet. If only I could focus too, go to Columbia College in Chicago, and start working on my dream of being a director.

What I Think is the Meaning of Life! & Then My So-Called One...

Hint: John Winston Lennon figured it out.

A few weeks ago I read a piece of writing to my friend concerning the future tattoo I want to get. All you need is love. Ironically it was on the exact date of the worldwide broadcast by the Beatles in 1967. I wrote it because I started living the motto. Things just don’t really matter, nothing really matters anymore, the issue is love. If you think really hard, would you rather have a lot of material things and clothes and fame (you obviously need some type of clothing and shelter) or would you rather be spending time with people you love or perhaps your soul mate. I’d choose the two latter!

Right now, I have to admit, my life is going completely nowhere. I can’t focus, I lasted two weeks at a university last fall, I failed out a semester at my community college this spring, I have no job but for some reason I still feel like life is worthwhile. It’s like I’m in limbo but I still have faith. Maybe coincidences aren’t really coincidences, everything happens for a reason or so I believe. Some things are meant to be, and some are not. Am I meant to ever fall in love? .:If love is so free than why am I caged? I wanna be free!:. The problem is I don’t think anyone else realized or realizes that they don’t see the real me. It’s so frustrating.

xoxo lisa marie

I Don't Want to Lie to Myself Anymore.

This is not a joke. Music is officially my drug, information on the side. You might ask what that certain info is... that is one this (or many for that matter) that I feel I cannot do on the internet. I contradict myself because I already share way too much about myself online.

I start to think wholly, fully, about the past couple of months- (or even years) and what they mean. It's so much bigger than me being trapped in the past and not being able to let go. --It was a revelation to behold, into the cosmic consciousness. I'm in the eye of a hurricane, like a storm in a teacup. Just sort of a freak show. --Wait, are those all chapters of a book? Yes.

I wish I could compile a list of all the funny random inside jokes my friends and I have had over the years...but it would take forever. And don't you sometimes wish your life was recorded so you could watch it back? I sure do.

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."- James Dean

xoxo lisa marie

My iPod is Acting A Little Funny.

So can you imagine that the dream catcher I got didn't work? Maybe it needs to be broken in, who knows... because it didn't catch my nightmare.

So I wish I could be one of those super bloggers and actually pick a topic and stick to it. Unfortunately, I love to be random. What am I attempting to read right now? The Last Song. (I have really bad add) What am I sad about? Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas breaking up. Cover of Teen Vogue. What am I listening to?...

Some songs for thought:

Can't Get Away- Third Eye Blind / Check Yes Juliet- We the Kings/ I'll Be Your Domino- Red Hot Chili Peppers / Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me And My Monkey- The Beatles/ Lucky- Jason Mraz (feat. Colbie Caillat) /Cowboy Casanova- Carrie Underwood /All These Things That I've Done- The Killers/ Wish You Were Here- Pink Floyd/ Life in Technicolor- Coldplay/ Dream- Miley Cyrus/ Some Hannah Montana...

xoxo lisa marie

Song Bridges & A Psychic in the Middle

Many of my favorite parts of songs are the bridges. It completes the song and rescues it from boring repetition. I love Taylor Swift bridges, and others too. In A Day in the Life [The Beatles] after "somebody spoke and I went into a dream..." that's my favorite part. I always love the little things, a small dose of drama from my own personal addiction; my drug is most definitely music. Bridges are the piece that really pulls me in. The irony? My favorite song is Under the Bridge [Red Hot Chili Peppers].

It's scary being me, I have to tell you. There is so much people don’t know about me, I keep most of it hidden. I don’t drive, I try to save the money I do have, and I never go swimming. My life was turned upside down one day and I realized I’m surrounded by both really positive and really negative energy. I feel like a slow psychic, I know things and then they either happen to me or other people. But now I feel like I’m just the communicator.

Today I’m on a quest to find a dream catcher.

xoxo lisa marie

Daydreams and Nightmares

Have you ever experienced both extremes? Daydreaming is awesome, (and so are dreams while asleep) but nightmares can be the most frightening thing especially when they seem real. You know what people say that if you die in your dreams you actually die? I think I made it halfway. I actually had to call the cops. Luckily I woke up, and it will never happen again.

Switching back to the former, I have regular dreams for myself and others. I wish I could help people out in some way, but how can you help when you feel that you can't even help yourself? I aspire to someday make movies too. I am drawn to art, it's always been my forte, and you can express a lot through it. I paint and I write on the side. I'm just a really all-over-the-place person. I can pretty much be anything when I'm in my right self, I'm a tad bit strange but aren't we all?

xoxo lisa marie