Friday, April 29, 2011


To start off my junior year of high school, and to "temporarily" put gymnastics on hold, I decided to try something that I had never let see the light of day: diving. In theory, there is a ton of gymnastics related skills involved- part of the reason one of my best friends and I were yearning to try.

There were no tryouts, the diving group was small and we were automatically put on JV. It was August, we had the rest of the summer to workout, and essentially, learn to dive. I was so out of shape I couldn't even keep up with the runs. I thought I had asthma. I had to get used to ice cold water. Right off the bat I have to say, the board is not a trampoline. Repeat, the board is not a trampoline. Guys and girls alike have injured themselves with the board. (I personally knew someone who hit their head freshman year of high school.) I quickly learned this, along with how to dive, approach and all, and names of dives. Forward, backward, inward, reverse, and twisting. Okay, front, back, and twisting I know, but what about the other two? Famous last words.

 In an inward dive, there is no approach, you stand on the end of the board, backwards. Get enough momentum and propel your body backwards, feet in the air, and dive inwards, facing the same direction. Scary? You haven't heard anything yet. Perhaps the most frightening skill to learn (at least I think for beginners), is a reverse dive. Ever heard of a gainer in gymnastics? It's almost the same thing, except you're diving off a springboard into the water (which can brutally BRUISE your back or virtually any part of your body). Contrary to popular belief, you do NOT run off the board. We approached the end of the board like we normally would with a forward dive- three to four steps, arms swing up (at the exact moment you jump- crucial), give ourselves a single bounce and then... go for it. I ended up realizing doing a whole reverse back tuck is easier than just a dive. In all, you're facing forwards and then doing a back dive or flip. Hence reverse.

Eventually, everyone who was a beginner on the team quickly progressed, considering my best friend and I had an advantage, having done gymnastics. We started working on forward 1 1/2's, and eventually forward doubles. That was the fun part. I had always seen people do a front tuck into a dive (1 1/2) and wanted to do it. It was so exciting! Everything that we were working on came with a price: smacking the water- hard, and those bruises.

The other girls on the team had perfect form, and were competing really difficult skills, like backwards, reverse, and inward 1 1/2's and doubles, and full twists. My two best skills were a forward 1 1/2 and forward double. (They weren't as good as the varsity girls.) For my twisting dive (we needed at least one dive in every category) I competed a really bad, layed- out half. Form was never my forte (funny though, presently I tend to think of myself as more graceful than my past). Competing in diving wasn't completely as nerve- wracking as gymnastics, but I did tend to succumb to pressure due to anxiety.

My best friend and I ended up both quitting the team at different times. I know that if I didn't quit, I could be better. But I knew that I wasn't ever going to be good enough to do it in college, so it didn't matter. I was doing poorly in school at the time, and quitting just made me feel even worse. It made me think that all I ever did was quit or fail. I never knocked on wood.

All in all, I loved diving for what it was worth. Another sport of many I had done, another life lesson, another set of memories. I haven't touched a board since. Maybe this summer? Oh, and NEVER dive in a bikini. :)

xoxo lisa marie

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Guys, Girl, and the Internet.

Just do NOT mix. I never recommend getting into anything online, because it's not worth it. I spent a small part of my life getting myself into messes, I have to admit I somewhat liked doing it, and then it screwed up my life even more. None of it was real, and it was torture not being able to feel real life emotion, or even a real life human being. It's incredibly complicated, and I always thought my case was unique. All of it drove me to extreme sadness and other motivational, and medical issues. I actually got panic attacks at school when I'd "run in" to one of these guys. I ended up having friends abandon me sending my into a very painful time in my life. Funny though, I've been telling people I'd get an eHarmony account (or another online dating profile) partially as a joke, mostly for real. I'm cursed. I seem to fall for guys online, guys just seem to fall for me online, so why not go there? It's the proper way, it's set up, it's real, you end up meeting them and actually talking in the end....

Real life men? Don't even ask. It's hopeless. (I know I'm being a pessimist.)

xoxo lisa marie

Thursday, April 7, 2011


I somewhat feel like a new person.
Music has assisted this feeling.

I've been listening to a lot of great music lately, but a lot of it's old, I find it hard to catch on to new stuff until it's already been played, analyzed, distorted or awarded. Lyrics play into so much, because, well it is the body of the song. Here are some of my favorite lines from songs I've been listening to recently. Most of them are popular songs you might know. I go by feel. Honestly, these songs aren't really that much about my emotions or life at the moment. They just feel right. ♥

"and I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now I've sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness."

"like Al Pacino's cash nothing lasts in this life."

"these mistakes you've made you'll just make them again, if you only try turning around."

"drinking out, pacifier, sinking soul, there you are."

"I am high like a star that's flying, Cassiopeia, everything's changing now."

"give me a reason to end this discussion, to break with tradition, the fold and divide."

"walls of insencerity, shifting eyes and vacancy, vanished when I saw your face."

Cheers to the future.
xoxo lisa marie