My Past Blog Life.

I've had blogs before, but this is the only one that has so far survived...my life has been so back and forth, a couple months ago my life was turned upside down and now it's just been...melancholic. Lisa Marie types but does not read. My mind's in hyperspeed. When I look back to what I've posted these two months, there's been a lot. But that's only half the story there's another side of me. I've talked about being a slow psychic, amazing adventures, negativity, complaints, my vivid imagination, love of music and just plain love. My favorite songs, (Under the Bridge meaning the most to me) I even posted my first youtube video with an original, then it magically disappeared. I quote John Winston Lennon, I dream about the sixties (and even fifties...fifth beatle Stuart Sutcliffe & Marilyn Monroe.) I dream about love. My real friends and how they're all different...some even ditched me for God knows what reason. No reason. Now that, I'm talking about last year. If you go back why not go all the way. I feel like a prisoner waiting to be freed, I use Anthony Kiedis as my performing muse, Taylor Swift as my songwriting muse, I love to dance (free-styling all the way). Even if it's all by myself. Be the first to enter the dance floor and the last to leave. Lately I have been feeling so lonely. This is my most random post yet.

I've written about heaven and hell, the reality of the situation I'm in, and hoping time is on my side. I have no idea what is going on...ever. I keep talking about control and the human race or at least the country being controlled, not by government but by God or someone or other people. I believe it's possible. Real. Life. HP. Fearlessness, like counting letters, it's also an art. What does my future hold? Everything is aligned, maybe...

xoxo lisa marie

Am I Going in the Wrong Direction?

I need to somehow pull it together. I've made it this far and I'm not giving up. I was at my friend's house last night but things just don't feel right anymore. Have you ever wondered how every decision affects us? Whether it's something small or very bold. When it comes to speaking truth one must be very careful. I care about a lot of people and things (mostly non- material) and all I seek is friendship and love. We are so controlled but it's all I seek. I still see my old friends from time to time but when everyone else is off having fun at school, here I am wandering around in wonderland. I'm not taking college classes at the moment because I have 0% concentration. I have so much to tell, but it seems that when I start to tell anyone their minds are on the off- switch. Hopefully someday that will change. Reading my other posts one might figure out what's going on but I doubt it. Someday.

xoxo lisa marie

Song Spells.

Someone could surely be captivated by music, but spells? I don't know. Music is like a drug to me. It takes us to places we've never been before, it brings happiness, sadness, everything. Without music, could we all still exist? Are there really such things as song spells? My example is centered around "Layla." Pattie Boyd was stolen from George Harrison mainly because of this song and his pursuit of her. She called it a powerful, moving song. Could music possibly have some sort of power over people? Maybe some people are just immune. I really think it could happen to someone though. Or possibly the entire country.

Songs for Thought: (Besides Paramore, AAR, Get On Top, Tommorow Never Knows, my ears are bleeding and my mind needs intravenous liquids.)

Decode- Paramore/ Can't Be Tamed- Miley Cyrus/ Obsessed- Miley Cyrus/ Gives You Hell- All American Rejects/ Tommorow Never Knows- The Beatles/Kashmir- Led Zeppelin/Misty Mountain Hop- Led Zeppelin/Layla- Derek, Eric Clapton and the Dominoes/I wasn't gonna put it, but...Get On Top- Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I try not to be too intense. I think I'll go listen to George Harrison's Something. Don't worry, there are probably no such thing as song spells. Excuse me, mr and mz, I don't do what you do and someone just tell me when I can be free of this prison. I make no sense sometimes.

xoxo lisa marie

A Chaotic Send Off!

Live in the moment.

I'm off to Wisconsin until the 22nd. A much needed vacation and escape after a bland month or so. I can see clear skies and stars at night. Constellations are beautiful, especially up north. My life is so messy right now so some space would be nice. Stress and mess. Lately I've been listening to either really happy or really intense music, but I've been neglecting my guitar and neglecting things that once gave me that happiness. Singing, guitar, reading, painting, sports. I destroyed my favorite painting of all time over a stupid mistake. Too bad in my tumbling career I only ever got a half-twist. My voice has gotten weak. All I can do is write and listen. I'm tired of complaining. We all have purposes and I haven't quite found mine yet. Love is the answer but like I said before, are we controlled by God? I've experienced miracles but not your average, every day type. There are little moments when time seems to stop. Freeze. Hold that piece of glass in your hand. Write a letter and throw it in the ocean. Take chances you never thought you would take. You know, one day I'll catch one of those falling stars.

Songs for thought:

Change- Taylor Swift/ The Story- Tristan Prettyman/ Spinning- Jack's Mannequin/ Californication- Red Hot Chili Peppers/ Drive My Car- The Beatles/ No Tommorow- Orson/ And She Was- Talking Heads/ Fly With Me- Jonas Brothers/ Thinking of You- Katy Perry/ The Sweet Escape- Gwen Stefani/ Deer Dance- System of a Down/ All The Small Things- Blink-182/ Lost!- Coldplay/ All Along the Watchtower- Jimi Hendrix/ Hannah Montana & Harry Potter Soundtracks

xoxo lisa marie

Half.

I wish I could be there for people who make wrong decisions. I have an intelligent way of viewing life as a whole, and sometimes we need to make mistakes in order to find ourselves. It's inevitable. But then there are times when other people can be there for you, and tell you what you are doing is only harmful to the soul and well being. Eyes are the window to the soul. Sometimes I feel as though I'm living in a half black and white and half technicolor world. It's strange. We feel like we know ourselves, and then we don't. Are we controlled? Do we do the things we do because of our own minds, or is God involved? Sometimes the right decision is flat out in your hand, you better catch it before it's gone.

xoxo lisa marie

Walking & Flying.

I've always wondered that if anyone could ever read someone's mind, would it be their direct thoughts, or the subconscious? Of course who wants a mind reader walking around. When I'm around people I feel their energy, I feel their pain, happiness, whatever. I used to call myself a vibe reader, almost as if I know people like me or not right off the bat. I used to be a really shy person but that has changed over the years. I interpret actions as a concept, why we do what we do. As I said before, I have failed in the department of love. At least relationships...I just get really nervous and then there is the stupid facebook curse. I can't wait to fall in love and start living my life. Are you out there somewhere, lover? Let us telepathically connect ipod's a find ourselves through music. Let's take chances and never look back. You are out there, possibly hundreds of miles away. I would walk that much just to find you. I would fly.

This life is totally, completely irrevocably beautiful. I've learned that over time. There is a huge gap between selfishness and selflessness. Everyone has experienced them before. Strength in all you do is a necessity. I would never allow someone's hurtful words or actions to penetrate my walls. Of course I breakdown once in a while but for other reasons. If you watch Carrie Underwood's video for "So Small" that girl was me, right until the end. It makes us realize there is something so much bigger going on than just life and the problems it gives us.

Songs for Thought:

First Day of My Life- Bright Eyes/ Punk Rock Princess- Something Corporate/ The Only Exception- Paramore/ The Way I Loved You- Taylor Swift/ Get to Me- Train/ Bohemian Like You- The Dandy Warhols/ I Believe in A Thing Called Love- The Darkness/ Watch Me Shine- Joanna Pacitti/ Who I Am- Nick Jonas and the Administration/ You and I- Ingrid Michaelson

xoxo lisa marie

Band-Aids, Beaches, Crying...

and best friends to comfort me when I'm feeling low.

I wanna be a band- aid like Penny Lane. Too bad this is 2010. Or maybe I'd rather be in the band. I can never get her famous quote right. I am terribly lonely but I don't have friends who work at the record store.

Okay, so my blog has gotten a little bit dark so I'm trying to fix that. Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies. Across the Universe, The Breakfast Club and Legally Blonde are somewhere in there too. Movies give me an escape. Well, for everyone. They show you fantastic technicolor worlds where anything can happen. I'm not totally dramatic all the time but I see things differently and I guess that's why I love it. I want to do film someday as a career. Or who knows, maybe when I get my life back on track I'll do something with music.

About California...I was asked by my dad if I could sit on a plane for four hours at the moment. I said no, because of the walking... I can't sit still. But it's one of my favorite places. I love that it's different wherever you go. Warm ocean breezes kissing your skin on the beaches. The cities...LA to San Diego. Northern, Southern. Now I feel like I'm dissing Chicago. F this...I just wanna move to England.

There's something going on that no one knows about. I can't say exactly. but I'm a smart girl and I know never to give up when you're dealing with something so extensive and so important. I want people to trust me but I need support.

Take this to heart: You don't know what you got until it's gone. But sometimes, other dreams come right back at you. ♥ faith hope love

xoxo lisa marie

What It Is.

I'm going to get a little bit deep here, so if you want (or if anyone actually looks at my blog) you don't have to read this.

I believe in love. I believe in heaven and hell. I believe they are both real. I've experienced feeling both on earth, if you can understand it. This is my theory: If you take your own life, your soul goes to hell. I'm not afraid to die but I would never do something like that. My other theory is if you do you are erased. But in that department, there are a few times in my life where I could have come close. Most were accidents. I've been there and I have to admit that yes, once it was almost on purpose but I believe I was saved. By faith and truth and my friends. Never again, no matter how bad things get will i give in. I'm waiting for another sign from God. Almost like waking up to a miracle. I interpret everything as happening for a reason. Like I said in one of my earlier blogs, I'm surrounded by really positive and really negative energy. I feel protected. Look back at the Speaking of the Sixties and Now....it's my favorite.

"There's no other time but the present. Anything else is a waste of time."- John Winston Lennon

xoxo lisa marie

p.s. Then, present: ready, set, go. I have little patience.

I'm Lazy Today.

It's a cycle. Like I said before, girls like me we just don't fit with the world. I am a revolution, one that can bring change but no one will let me. Have you ever just walked through crowds and felt so alone? I have. Have you ever wanted to find a soulmate and just talk for hours about everything on end? I have. I'm such a dork, I love to laugh but who am I to say when I feel no one gets me but me?

Songs for thought:

We Intertwined- The Hush Sound/ White Horse- Taylor Swift/ Waiting on the World To Change- John Mayer/ Motorcycle Drive By- Third Eye Blind/ So Small- Carrie Underwood/ Wreck of The Day- Anna Nalick/ Gone- Jack Johnson/ Everyday- Dave Matthews Band/ Notion- Kings of Leon/ Revolution 9- The Beatles/ Wonderwall- Oasis/ How To Save A Life- The Fray/ Under the Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers

xoxo lisa marie

I Listen to My Heart. How About You?

I bet if anyone asked me, (or if anyone actually cared) about my supposed abilities, they would say "Prove it." I started writing this post a few days ago because I'm never sure of my decisions. We all have something to prove in this world and I've worked so hard every single day to make people understand. They still don't. It's as if they're all under a spell. I can't really say what I know because it's too out there at the moment. It's painful to not be able to speak your mind. I am always trying to fix things. My parents and brother and extended family care, but in a way they don't. What I care about and what they do are two completely different worlds. My friends are there, too of course! Your family will always love you no matter what. Never in the past year have I showed someone my writing or art and had them see it through my eyes. Actually I've always felt that way. I figured out that love is all that matters after all. It's a theory that took a blink of an eye to complete. On a lighter note, I now have a lucky silly band after going to the dentist. Just a few things that contribute to the rhythm of my heart...

Dancing, rainbows, daisies, inside jokes, the beatles, music & guitar in general, collaging, painting, the genius of anthony kiedis, youtube kingsley videos (jonas brothers too but kingsley has made me laugh while i was crying), converse, photoshoots with friends, clear skies with stars, (I've seen shooting stars they're incredible) sunsets, the beach, rhyming, laughter (does anyone remember it?), and people on a good day. ♥

xoxo lisa marie

p.s. I've been listening to really depressing music lately so Songs For Thought isn't a good idea right now.

My Blog Has Been Sucking Lately.

All they are is complaining about my current situation or what not, I really want to re-blog some of mine from July. Now they aren't just straight topical entries, they're all over the place. Tick tock I really want to share something I wrote last year but I can't. To achieve my dreams I need to just go with whatever my heart tells me and not be controlled by the people around me (lately, I do feel very controlled). Even when I tell people important things they just don't listen. It's like they're deaf. I could yell as loud as I want, jump up and down, but still... they don't hear me and meaningless words would come out of their mouth. I feel like a broken record. Music is the one thing I have left, it's what I survive on other than writing, books and art. Last night I tie-dyed a plain white-t. Success. Everything I can do to keep myself occupied. If and when I go to TK...oh what's the use.

xoxo lisa marie

This is Directed to Those Who Don't Believe in Me.

Wake up. Look to the sky, night or day and shut up.

Every life is valuable. Every life is a gift. I know too much, I have too much to live for by now to just let it all go. I'll give whatever I have to give in my life to get some kind of real love in return. God, don't you hear me? Every day I feel myself becoming wiser, but every day is becoming more and more bothersome. I love everyone, but I feel like everyone dislikes me. I don't like the word hate. I wish I could be where I want to be, with my best friends, but it's gonna take a while. I wanna make this life worthwhile but i need a little help. Lately, as in the past year and a half, the more I give, the less I seem to get. Things would be fixed by now if God loved me, wouldn't they be? I don't know what to think anymore. I've realized choices are what affects life, and all my choices just never feel right. I Live for Allyouneedislove. Lonely as I am, together we cry.

Songs for thought:

Absolutely (Story of A Girl)- Nine Days/ Us- Regina Spektor/ Walcott- Vampire Weekend/ This is Not A Test- She & Him/ Murderers- John Frusciante/ Trouble- Nevershoutnever!/ Remembering Sunday- All Time Low/ Revolution 1- The Beatles/ Around the World- Red Hot Chili Peppers/ Australia- Jonas Brothers/ Where Nobody Knows- Kings of Leon/ Can You Take Me- Third Eye Blind/ Believe in Me- Demi Lovato

xoxo lisa marie

Facing Fears & Conceptualizing.

It's like running through a lava pit of broken teacups.

You know the saying "do what you fear the most?" in the past, I was never (and still am not) able to. It was a silly thing, it was every chance I had to fall in love. Fail. Love is beauty and where is love? It's what I live for, but I don't feel it anymore, from anyone in that case. I'm afraid I'll never fall into true love, ever. I've met guys but I still have the online curse (it's complicated). On the other hand, with everyone else, I've been trying to figure out what the reason is. Maybe I know deep down in my heart, but even when I'm around people it's like they ignore me. For no reason. A few of my friends are still here for me, but in a way they aren't. Oh God, I'm starting to whine again. I tell myself to be tough and to stick it out. I feel like I'm sinking in quicksand day by day. I visualize my life as two parts: then and now. Maybe I should go read Anthony Kiedis' book again. (Then again, I can't focus, on anything.) Got nothing but time on our hands, and I'm waiting for a miracle.

"Genius is pain."- John Winston Lennon

xoxo lisa marie.

Next blog: Best of Songs for Thought. Or maybe I should wait? ♥

Time Slows Down, Whenever You're Around. Songwriting.

Right now I am really loving Taylor Swift's "Today was a Fairytale." In my opinion she is one of today's best female songwriters. When I write (and lately, I haven't been in the music department) I can only write parts of lyrics. I'm still okay with whatever comes out of my brain. I love playing guitar and just improvising too. Some of the best ideas come right out when you let everything go. I wish I had inspiration though, that's been on short supply lately.

"I categorize the levels of heartbreak. Level one is a simple letdown. Level ten, total heartbreak. I've only had that happen once. A letdown is worth a few songs. A heartbreak is worth a few albums."- Taylor Swift ♥

Fortunately and unfortunately I've never had that happen. I've never been in love, God must have something against me. Sure I love the people I know no matter what they do to me, but it's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. Love is what inspires 85% of songs. I write about my (few) crushes. If I've never fallen in love, how am I supposed to write a classic.

"To be here now."- John Winston Lennon. But what was the question?

xoxo lisa marie

Dreams Again & a Hummingbird.

Sometimes you wish for a dream, and get an entirely different one.

I'm occupied by time, space, heaven, hell and most of all, music. Every song. Every movie. Every story... has a beginning. Some don't have an end. Your heart beats to the rhythm of its own drum and you can either listen to it, but sometimes things don't work out the way as planned. Today while I was coming home I saw a hummingbird near the rose trellis by the front porch. I saw you there so unaware... and later had a horrible dream. After seeing Inception, (an incredible movie) I believe that dreams tell truth and have meaning, and this one basically told it all. Who am I even speaking to anymore? Only God knows.

There is so much I am dying to tell, but it ain't gonna happen. As of right now I am crushing my dream of moving to the Penny Lane district, Liverpool, England because I keep spending my money without a job on the side. Maybe it's destination California, who knows my path? But I walk around in circles all day, literally. It's super fun!!! Note the sarcasm.

Songs for thought:

Six Feet Under the Stars- All Time Low/ Bruised- Jack's Mannequin/ Breakout- Katy Perry/ Narcolepsy- Third Eye Blind/ Hummingbird- Wilco/ The Remedy (I Won't Worry)- Jason Mraz/ Dynamite- Taio Cruz/ Glass Onion- The Beatles/ Dreamgirl- Dave Matthews Band/ Purple Stain (Live) -Red Hot Chili Peppers/ Oh, It is Love- Hellogoodbye/ Hallelujah- Paramore/ Rainbow- Jack Johnson & G. Love/ Stand Too Close- Motion City Soundtrack

xoxo lisa marie