Sunday, February 27, 2011

Laughter and Change.

I painted this for my best friend about a year or two ago.
My life has a never-ending soundtrack.
Favorite painting that I created. It was destroyed.

I love to laugh... and smile as much as possible. When I make really bad mistakes or create problems all it does is bring down my life. Sometimes I can't help it, we were born to learn. There are degrees of mistakes. I was just born to be a mess, I think. :) But doesn't everyone deserve to be loved, and be reassured everything is okay? My good friends and I have changed incredibly over the years, and now because of college, I rarely get to see them. (I'm gonna see them in a few days!) I've always been afraid and almost petrified of massive changes in my life. I really don't think we are in control sometimes. For instance, we can't change people. I don't do well with cold hard "truth" either. You know, the sayings we all despise? I would rather take the sunny route. (Even when the sun's not shining in my life.) Oh, well. ♥ I'm such a retrograde writer... :( I look back at my journals/senior year of high school and find amazing stuff. I guess it just depends on inspiration.

xoxo lisa marie.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Lyrically Challenged

I know, I'm lyrically challenged. :)
just got back from work. Out of breath.
Love her. She's a huge mainstream songwriting icon.

You might wonder...all this just about an ex friend?
It could be about a boy...
That's just me. I never let go.
Some of it is new, some old.
Or maybe it's just I have nothing else to write about.

You're nobody's girl/ will you ever be?/ watch me fly like a dove, fall in love/ cause no one wants a fake/ Cause friends only go so far/ I'm like a star I shine and twinkle so brightly/ you'll be wishing on me nightly

Did bringing me down make you feel higher?/ You're the queen now, a corrupt little liar!

Stole everything away from me/ jealousy I sensed from the seas/ Were those eight years for nothing?/You chose to leave/ My whole world was crumbling/ You didn't care you made things up/ A photo I'd tear

Sticking up for each other smiling at the sun/ Now everything's gray and said and done/ I remember the years I wanted to hide my face/ But it's not about pretty, just soul and grace

You were never a stranger/ You wouldn't have lied/ But what would you have done if I had just up and died?/ Almost happened, I'm sorry it's true/ and I'm sorry you're not sincere/ Just another hypocrite like me/ If you stand for what you believe/ You weren't there for my cry of help/ You're just tears in my past life self

I always thought you were who you said/ Caring about people/peace in your head/ "I love God," Now, do you really?/If you ever feel the cold shoulder lingering/ turn around there I am/ singing a tune of surrender, not revenge

Here's something a little more positive:
How much will I promise you/ that i'll never be the one to leave when things rough/ Even if I'm hurt and sobbing it will never be enough/cause you, my friends, are my everything/ world's taught me to love through hell even in the spring/Some spark kept me alive/ That's all I have to tell

Glad I got that out of my system.

Off to my "church" for the week. About that, sometime later. It's amazing and its part discussion part concert at gigantic Willow Creek. I just go, even if I don't agree with everything. I don't know what to believe. I love live music too.

xoxo lisa marie

Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Cleansing Season.

Bring truth, and wherever you go, 
follow your internal compass.

Spring: It's a time of renewal. It washes away all the harshness brought on by winter. I love that first day where you wake up and the earth smells like spring. Flowers bloom, rainstorms start coming more often, and everything looks beautiful and imperfect in it's own little perfect way. Spring break for those in school, (and I) ("Listen to the ocean, but don't take it's advice word for word."- AE ad. in a collage.) leads to everyone getting antsy for summer.

Then again, on the flip side, it reminds me that when summer comes, I cannot go anywhere my ex-best friends are. I have about eight adjectives and two nouns to call them. I hope they have fun. I am probably not going to go on a road trip (that I'm supposed to plan) with the best friends I do have because they're too busy with summer school. The end of August might work but who knows. It seems like lately they've all given up on me. Everyone has, they just acknowledge that I'm there. I might be exaggerating a little bit, but that's what it feels like.

Trust me, eventually i will get around to somehow explain all this weird crap that I have all over my blog. That doesn't mean the weird crap is going to stop. I've always had a really strange yet interesting internet life. and no ch-ch-ch cherry bomb-ing phase yet. ;) Just kidding. I need to find a way to let go of grudges. Cleansing the mind of altercations of the past. For me that's next to impossible, the seasons can't even change it. But what dumbass said the impossible isn't possible? I mean, I've seen a 28 year old learn a full (twisting layout) for the first time. I can't believe I deleted my post about Jason Mraz & Tristan Prettyman. I had a spaz attack when I found out they were engaged. It's incredible. :)

xoxo lisa marie

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Kaleidoscope Heart.

(This story's not over, the music has not stopped playing.)
Sometimes parts are left out of tales for a reason.

Let's get this clear: I hate  can't stand the Rolling Stones.
Where is Led Zeppelin in this pile?
I should find a time machine...I belong in a different era.
C'est tout. 

xoxo lisa marie

Monday, February 14, 2011

Warm Shouldered

This is the tattoo I wish I had.

A girl with the biggest heart is always constantly let down. I'm never going to have a million friends, or probably even find true love. It's just a curse waiting to be cured. I wish I knew how to solve that piece of the puzzle. You can't make people love you, we all know that. But maybe suffering is what makes the sun and the rainbow at the end of the storm worthwhile. For those of you who have been (or are) in love, I'm sure it's more than beautiful. I'm apparently not good enough for it. Right now, my depression (all over tiredness) and anxiety completely get in the way of even searching for it, or anything for that matter. I bounce back and forth. I have had amazing conversations about how love could change me. Pure elation. Almost like a miracle- but who wants to believe in fairy tales if a fait accompli is never on your side. :(

All of us deserve to be loved, don't we? Happy Singles Awareness Day. 

xoxo lisa marie

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I Love This Mini- Cover Of...

and hopefully you will too.

No, I am not a crazy- obsessed Nick Jonas fan. Just so we're clear. :) Gotta love him though.
As of now, I'm trying to come up with melodies for new songs and am getting nowhere! Ex- friends are a hard one, especially when you were hurt so badly. Love is different, but still, I don't know how people do it. I should write about the period in my life where I had no idea what was going on. 

"Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore. Play it loud enough, and it keeps the demons at bay."

xoxo lisa marie

Saturday, February 5, 2011


About 500 reasons why I love this movie.

"There's no such thing as love, it's fantasy..."
"You can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence... there's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be."

xoxo lisa marie